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11/03/2005: "Ellen DeGeneres"

I was reading the book Love, Ellen : A Mother/Daughter Journey by Betty deGeneres, Ellen's mother......

One part, well, and others, got me to thinking again.... Ellen said she was finding out at age 13 that she was gay when she wasn't interested in high fashion and stuff like the other girls were. Heck, neither was I, but it didn't lead me to decide I was gay....

I had given gay/straight a lot of thinking many years ago. I mean, I had crushes on my female teachers and my female army sergeants the same as I did the males. I guess I could have followed through on it either way.... I guess.

Anyway, when it mattered and I was wondering, I decided that people are born with the capacity to love, and that probably most people were born with the innate tendency to eventually want to express intimate love in a sexual way. From my own feelings, I thought probably that bisexuality was a way of being born, being a whole person. Then I thought that environment, teachings, and life experiences lead a person to choose one way, the other, or both. I know I really felt at one time that I could go either way. Whether I really could have, well, that is another thing.

Later, in counseling, when learning to give up unhealthy relationships, I think I decided that one of my problems was in distinguishing crushes from admiration from puppy love from love from sexual attraction. There was also an issue of boundaries, but as far as sexuality goes, knowing I could love somebody and care for them deeply without being attracted (or maybe even BEING attracted but not expressing that attraction) had to be a conscious, deliberate change in attitude.

These days I can still remember the feelings, confusion, distortion, and I know that immaturity was part of my problem. It feels so much better to know and say, "I made my choice, and that is who I am." What was it and who am I? To be with a male, my husband, for as long as we both live. There is no temptation, no question, as the issue is decided.

I think it is the same with Ellen, as she decided she is gay and limited herself to that lifestyle, and made her commitment. I think God made us loving people who desire monogamous commitment, and how we choose to follow through is our expression of our experiences. Yes, there are those who never make a commitment, or maybe reside with a family member for most of their life, but perhaps their commitment goes to a different area... self, job, whatever. I don't know. I'm not God. I don't have all the answers, but just because a person doesn't fit in with the perceived mold doesn't mean they are destined to choose the opposite path.

Many tomboys become wonderful mothers and loving wives with no thought about ever being with a woman instead of a man.

I wasn't a tomboy, but still, I think I could have been "turned" if somebody made the effort at the susceptible time. I don't know if I would have subsequently been happy or if I'd have changed to hetero, or become bi- who knows???? All I know is I'm extremely happy with the way things are now, with hubby and me monogamous together for years and years to come, God willing.